UK Disability Resource of Disabled Needs

I have always had problems with my son, from the moment he was born. But the professionals just put it down to being naughty.

At the age of 8 he got diagnosed with aspergers, with the help of the headteacher at the school (mainstream school). She referred him to the right people.
He then wwent from first school to a mainstream middle school.
They would not statement him as they said they did not have enough evidence to provide the lEA.
There was problems, especially with change but to a degree they managed him.

He was excluded for fixed days as punishment which made things worse when he came back.
Things got progressively worse in yr 6 and they said they could not trteat him any different as every child would expect to have special treatment, and they still would not put in for a statement.

He starts yr 7 and things went down hill from the start. After about 5 fixed term exclusions for his behaviour, btwm september 06 and November 06.
Which was clearly due to lack of understanding, lack of consistency/routine and no extra help.
Yeah i will admit he was throwing chairs, swearing and being very agressive but he does not know how to act when things get difficult. So he gets violent and agressive.

The end of sept 06 i put in for a statement myself.
In Nov 06 he got permantly excluded from mainstream school and stayed at home until Jan 07 and was put in a pupil referral unit which was only part time.

He found things really difficult and did get 3 fixed term exclusions for assaulting teachers, which was because a lack of understanding.

The teachers at the PRU could see the problems he was having and noticed the autism and really worked hard to accomodate him.
They managed to diffuse situations and he started to settle down.

The statement was agreed and i had to find a permanent school for him to attend in sept 07.

I had advise from CAMHS and i chose the school (there is not much a choice round here).
It is an EBD school and there is only about 5 / 6 in a class.

He got accepted and he was to start full time in sept 07.

They would not integrate him into the school, they gave him one day there in July and then expected him to go full time in sept.

It went wrong from the start. Every aspect of it was different. He could not get used to the change.

They were adament that he would do full time, and would not listen to me when i said it would not work.
After 2 weeks of him running away from school, abusing staff, destroying and barracading himself in classrooms, and lots more they cut his hours to 2 mornings and 2 afternoons a week and 1 day at home as that would be his worst day.

then after a meeting the hours were cut even more as it was still not working and very inconsistent. To 2 hours a day 4 days a week (same times).

There has been numerous meetings and things have changed ie that he does not walk out of school.
He has had 3 fixed term exclusions and when he is difficult they send him home early.
He is only doing 2 hours as it is. So at times he could only be at school for half hour or an hour.
When he does stay there he is never in class doing lessons as they cannot contain him. They are not consistent.

The other week he had been there half an hour wandering around and he was submissive and ajust kept saying , i want to go home. So they said go and do a little bit of PE and we will ring your taxi.
What is that teaching him?

That he can go home and get his own way!!!

I give up with this school. They have tried various things but they just dotn seem to want him there.

They have admitted that they cannot cope with him and do not have what he needs at that school, they have got other students to think about.

There is a big meeting coming up on 30th Jan regarding what to do .

I just want him out , but its were he will go as he is very intelligent and there is not much around...........

I am at the end of my tether...

Thanks if you have read to here......... xx

I really don't blame you for being at the end of your tether.
We have been there too so can recognise the place you are at now.

I know you have said you want him out but have you considered actually taking him out of the education system?

At age 5 we got so sick of having to carry our son into school kicking and screaming. He had to go into school before all the others and sit crying on a bean bag every day.
When we collected him he was always wet or worse and he had many problems at home with not eating and terrible tantrums that lasted 2 hours or more. He didn't sleep and hardly gave us anything except screaming or throwing.

We de-registered him and decided to Home Educate him.

It's not as difficult as it sounds and worked wonders for our lad.
There was no sitting at a desk or timetable to follow. We simply followed his interests and went out and about a lot, learning along the way. Even a trip to the zoo or local park can be made into a fun education time without the child even realising.

It's not for everyone though as it means you are with your child 24/7 but we saw it as preferable to the way things were. He even started sleeping and eating better once he was more relaxed away from school. It is also perfectly legal to Home Educate.

More recently we have again taken our son out of school as he was being bullied for 3 years with no real action on the part of the head. In fact some of the teachers played a large part in the bullying too so we saw no hope of things changing.

He is so much happier now, although he does miss a few of the other children. Some he still has contact with on line but he has said he feels much better now for not being at school being bullied.

Here's a link to Education Otherwise and HE Special.

http://www.education-otherwise.org/

http://www.he-special.org.uk/

Whatever you decide to do good luck with it and keep us informed.

If you need any help with the legal aspects or anything else let us know as I'm sure we can help or point you in the right direction.

Likewise with benefits as sometimes there's things out there that some people may not be aware of. I know I'm finding new things all the time to help make things a little easier.

xx

I would not be able to home school. He sees home as his safe place and wont bring anything to do with school into the house and i would not want to disrupt him any more with the change.

I understand that very well.

That's why we didn't teach him at home at all we just followed his interests and made it into something other than a school type situation.
It's called Automomous Education and worked very well for him and us.

In fact we didn't do anything much for the first 2 years as he was so afraid to go out of the house. He thought we were taking him to school every time we tried to go out!

We just chilled and watched some of the education programmes on TV and did painting, drawing a bit of reading and of course the computer type things.

You know your son best and know what will suit him and you far better than anyone else does so go with what you feel and follow your instincts.

It's never easy is it and the people that can help will often just go for the easiest and cheapest option. So as usual it's the parents that have to fight for anything for their child.

My son wont go out of the house only to school. He goes in a taxi.
He wont even go to the shop.

I am worried that the only other option is residential schooling.

That would rip me apart, but we are running out of options with him. He has done no work since starting this school in september and when he was at the PRU he hardly done any. So his education is suffering badly.

He is difficult at home and constant argues and hurts his sister. And i would love a break from that.

All of this is affecting me badly. I am an emotional mess most of the time.

Thanks for your support x

I can only suggest looking at all the options and seeing what will suit best.

They wanted to put my daughter into an institution when she was 14 but we refused so I know how hard that part is.

She was unmanagable and we couldn't leave either of the kids alone together for even a minute. She tried to stab my eldest son with a fork once and many times hurt the younger one but we still couldn't bear the idea of her being locked away somewhere.

That is different to residential schooling though and there is a member here whose son is residential. He is doing really well and he's home at weekends and holidays so it's a Monday morning to Friday evening arrangement. It means she can spend quality time with her daughter too.

You can only do your best for your family and no one will judge you in whatever decision you make for your son. xx

I cant offer much else other than what has been suggested so far.
It sounds like you are really going through the mill though

I really hope 2008 brings an improvement one way or another for you
(and for everyone!)

Sorry I cant be more help

Take care

.

Rose - I feel for you. I cannot offer any advice as my little man is only 7 and so far I have been very lucky (in most ways) with his schooling.

I hope that you have a much better 2008
xx

hi rosie.

Please dont lose heart - ive had very similar problems with my son. He was miserable in the town school he used to attend - they accused him of being a naughty boy and punishing him only made him worse - he was also diagnosed with percetive evasion syndrome - so no punishment at all makes any difference to my son and to add to that - I have the constant guilt trip he puts himself through when he cannot make friends blames himself, when he is told off says he wants to die... he is only 6 and I struggled to get my concerns heard in his last school as a realistic problem - and NOT an excuse for bad behaviour.

The fact is my son does not know how to ask for help and doesnt know he is doing wrong and the behaviour he displays is purely through his lack of social awareness. Also sometimes because he thrives on a rigid routine and when this is upset it distresses him... my son is only 6 but 2 years ago he used to beat me and slam doors into my face... but always oblivious that this was hurting me - it was a way to get his anger out of his system and I was told by our peadiatrician that this is typical of aspergers/autism - the child can come across as very angry.
BUT there is hope...
I got my son referred to a play therapist who comes into the school and he has 1 session a week with her... he is able to do anything he wants as long as he doesnt not hurt a person - he is allowed to let things out of his system talk about what he wants and say what he wants... but not outside of this session... further to that he has two 'nurture sessions' a week...

I dont know if you can ask your peadiatrician or even local social services for some kind of referral but all I can suggest is ask everyone you can for their help.

Make a log of his problems - a diary and present it to your GP or peadiatrician and they should be able to give you referrals and as much support as you need.

I hope you are successful in seeking support for your child. Happy New year.

Marion x

you should try contacting the chilterncentre.co.uk - they are a respite centre in henley upon thames - i dont know if this is the nearest to you - but you could google for a local respite care centre or ask your local social services, centres like these provide overnight respite so you can have a break and sometimes up to a week. They are very good at working closely with the family so that each childrens individual needs are met.