UK Disability Resource of Disabled Needs

I am so mad today as my son came home upset because he has been bullied today.

But would you believe it was by a teacher who kept him in the quiet room for half an hour during playtime so she could talk AT him.

She called him selfish, self centred and immature. She said he acted like a 5 year old.
She also said she thought he had problems accepting his Autism. No way, he accepts himself as he is and so do we.

All this is about a trifle. There were 2 left over and my son asked if he could have one and she let rip asking him if he wanted her to take one off one of the other children. The other child in question she said had nothing and his parents were not well off like we are.

Where the hell did she get that from. We are both carers, we both have long term illnesses and we are on benefits.

Our son gets pocket money which he saves to buy games etc. She even asked how much the game is that he is currently saving up for!

At the end of this half hour of "torture", the teacher announced she was taking both the left over trifles home for her family as she had paid for them anyway.

Needless to say we are speaking with the head tomorrow.

That is outrageous.

Whether you are a millie bear or a penny bear that has absolutely nothing to do with your son, trifles and autism.

I hope that the head meeting goes well. Pixie - do put this in writing too to the Head. This needs to be documented but NOT against your child - i.e. not in your child's file.

When you are calm enough to let us know how the meeting goes then pleas do. I will be very interested to hear the explanation for the whole issue.

Thoughts with you Pixie - and fume away

Thanks for your support Speeds. It has left me feeling so upset.

I thought the new school year had got off to a good start with my son being happy and his meeting with the mayor on Wednesday and several other good things that have happened so far this year but this has left me stunned.

Am I making too much of it do you think? I am very protective of my kids and treat them with lots of respect. ie as I would want to be treated etc.

I just don't understand how a teacher of children with Autism can treat a young man like this.

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. We don't have an appointment or anything so it's just a matter of hoping the head will be available tomorrow.

Pixie - no you are not making too much of it. If your son was upset by the teacher and you as a reasonable human being believe that what he has told you is inapppropriate then it needs to be sorted.

If you cannot see the head tomorrow then do have on your person a letter detailing the issue so it is not forgotten - either written as a letter or email and a copy of the letter to the school governor. While this sounds drastic it is essential that these things are logged in writing should you ever need to build a case against anything. This goes for all parents and not just those of us with children with Additional needs.

Good luck for tomorrow again - I will be thinking of you. I know that after a night's sleep you will probably wake up less fumed (if that is a word to be used that way) but it is still important to discuss this issue.

The head has not come back to us yet with the outcome of his enquiries but the teacher in question has apologised even before the head had a chance to speak to her.

She said sorry several times and spoke in a nice quiet voice.

At the end of the apology she offered my son her hand to shake and asked if they were still friends and my son wouldn't shake her hand and just mumbled about staying friends.
He has done his best to avoid her as much as possible all day.

The head may well get back to us tomorrow.

He was very shocked at the happenings yesterday and found it hard to understand why the teacher behaved in the way she did making something minor into such a major issue with my son bearing the brunt of her bad mood or whatever it was that brought it on.

I'll let you all know the outcome when we know more.

Well an update on this situation is overdue, not enough hours in the day, so here goes.

The teacher has written an explanation of the happenings last week and they match our son's account of what happened.

She wrote a 3 page explanation and also apologies for all the things that happened.

She admitted that she let the situation get out of hand on her part and the mistakes she made she can now see how they came across to our son and to us. Not to mention to the head.

We are hopeful that she has learnt some lessons by this series of incidents and that it won't happen again.

We will always be very wary of this particular teacher from now on though and hopefully so will the head.

Fingers crossed we can all now move on from this.

I hope she has learnt a lesson - note not her lesson. We are all guilty of doing inappropriate things and then regretting them. I am not defending her at all - what she did was wrong but hopefully it will help her become a more understanding teacher to all children.

I hope your son can put this behind him in some shape or form and maybe they can have a "pact" whereby if he feels that she is overstepping the mark again or she feels she needs to rephrase and retract that they have a "stop" or similar card - this may not be at all necessary but it may help to diffuse any similar situations.

As usual though it is the parents/carers who have to pick up the pieces and be negotiators.

Thanks Speeds.

We have talked about it with our son and he seems able to move on but is still wary, which is only to be expected really.

One thing we didn't know from our son's account was that he felt trapped in the quiet room as she sat right next to the door so that he couldn't leave, or at least didn't feel able to leave. It's basically a cupboard to he wouldn't have been able to pass her without being very close to her.

Well it's the holidays now so we will leave it at that and get on with chilling out for a week or so.

i only just saw this thread, i dont how i miss stuff. im so sorry pixie for the way your son has been treated and i hope he is ok, what a dreadful experience for him and this teacher should not be allowed to carry on teaching children. i too have had a bad experience with teacher bullying, well not me but jon a few years ago and the teacher left, i hope he will move on from this. your friend, barbs.

Thanks Barbs, it's horrible when you feel your children are in good hands at all times. And then you find out something like this has happened.

I know it's hard to keep up with all the posts so don't worry. Have you seen the pictures from Filip in Poland. Truely stunning.

Filip is our newest member and has a lovely son Piter.