My Son

pixie · My Son

Here is the news report of some of the things that have happened to my son.

It's in the Liverpool Echo today.

‘Stop being so silly’ wrist break boy told
May 13 2008 by Ben Turner, Liverpool Echo

‘Stop being so silly’ wrist break boy told

A FAMILY claim an autistic boy suffered a three-year campaign of bullying and intimidation at the hands of staff and pupils.

Lynne Ackers and her husband Peter have pulled 16-year-old son Sam out of Southport’s Peterhouse School, saying his experiences had a devastating impact.

She claims he was hit by other youngsters and taunted over the internet, and she compiled a dossier of alleged incidents involving staff.

Autism Initiatives, the company which runs the 55-pupil school for children with autism, today said it has now revised its policies and guidelines.

It has also asked Sefton council to carry out an independent review into the case.

Mrs Ackers said bullies hijacked an online game, threatening Sam with the words: “I will come to school and slaughter you.”

In the dossier she sent to the school, she claimed incidents involving staff included:

Sam being told to “stop pulling faces”, despite suffering from facial tics due to Tourettes.

A teacher sarcastically telling his classmates to “give Sam a round of applause for deciding to come to school today” on his return after two weeks off with stress due to bullying.

Being told “stop being so silly” by a teacher when writhing in pain after breaking his wrist in an accident.

Kept in a closed “quiet room” for 30 minutes by a teacher as punishment for being moody about the type of trifle on offer at a mealtime.

Despite being intellectually able, Sam’s condition means he needs round-the-clock care and is unable to do simple things like crossing a road.

Mrs Ackers said: “On each occasion, we were told the bullying would stop, but nothing ever changed. This has been devastating for all of us.”

School principal Graham Birtwell said there was “absolutely no foundation” to Mrs Ackers and her husband Peter’s complaints.

But in a letter to Mrs Ackers, Autism Initiatives national director Andrew Grainger said: “I feel that from the information you have kindly supplied to us and our discussion with the principal, we acknowledge the bullying Sam has experienced and the profound effect this has had on him.”

He added: “We further acknowledge staff approaches have not at all times been informed by good autism practice” and he apologised to Mrs Ackers.

Asked to address specific allegations relating to teachers, Mr Grainger told the ECHO: “There is a perspective issue which applies to these incidents, as you have to bear in mind the pupil in question has autism spectrum disorder.”

STORY HERE

Speeds

Pixie - thank you for posting especially when this must be so hard for you to do.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

While it is always hard, the more people who are aware of this and other issues with "wrongs" in our society can only be good to avoid in the future.

Big hugs

pixie

Thanks Speeds, that's the idea to highlight the wrongs to make sure they don't happen again.

My son is fine and now looking forward to being recognised in Tesco's by someone whose seen him in the paper.
It's all washing over him but this is what he wants to make things better for the children still there and the children yet to come.

pixie

I've already had a not so nice email from a parent!!

This person never even asked after my son which goes to show there are no feelings from her about what my son has been through.

If anyone wants to see the paperwork I have they are very welcome. The reporter saw it all and decided to go ahead with the story.

I removed the text I had already posted as I didn't want any parent to be upset by it but I think I will now put back my son's text. I hope the person who emailed me will read it and see how my son felt at being bullied by his peers.

I will post all the papers if it helps the other children be respected by staff and other pupils.

pixie

A letter from my son in 2005.

- Swearing at me - bad - F, S, Q, etc...

- After all the swearing, I slowly walk back, and ***
slowly walks forward. He still eyeing me.

- After that, I turn to run but he punched me
in the back X4.

- ******/*** both insulting my entire family, saying
that they are all, "Red headed, all wear glasses, all
book worms, and all ugly." and NONE of that is true.

- They will NOT let me play the one end of the playground
(The yellow fence next to the bike shed) And when I go over
there when they are not playing there, they come back and
all the above repeates.

- When I'm playing with my friends in the playground with
the 'Class 3 Only!' football, sometimes when them 3 kick
their ball over the fence, they come and get mine and kick
mine over the fence on perpose. They kicked our last 'Class
3 Only!' football over the fence the other week. Sometime
between the 13th - 18th Nov. 05 I think. It was that orange
ball that had 'Cup Champion' on the front. The garden it was
kicked in hasn't thrown it back yet. But we have another one,
which they almost kicked over (on perpose)...

- Whenever *** see's me, and he's angry at me, for example,
dinnertime. When I try to find a seat that is not saved or
sat on, sometimes there is a chair available next to ***.
I don't want to sit next to him but sometimes I have to.
And even when all the other seats are taken, he always says:
"Sam don't sit there! I'm not letting you sit next to me!"
And I say "It's the only chair available."
And he then keeps chanting the word: "Move".
Like: "Move, move move, move move move move! Move MOOOOVE!!"
And he tries to push me off the chair. I get angry. I try
to swap with someone. When I do, *** stares at me and then
whispers loudly out to himself and everyone at the table:
"Kill...kill...kill...kill...kill...kill...kill"
But he's actualy looking at me the whole time. I get really
uncomfortable and a bit angry. But note: I never use violence
or harsh language or bad words. Unlike him.

- At some playtimes, mostly lunch playtimes, I'm playing like,
at the climbing frame with my friends, and sometimes,
******, ****** and *** lose their football and cannot get
another, they come over to the climbing frame and won't let
me and my friends play. But they won't let me play in 'their part
of the playground', so why should they come to 'our side of the
playground'? (Thats what they are called according to ****).

- Whenever I 'annoy them' by being in 'their part of the playground'
when they aren't there, they come back and swear at me, but they
also call me a: 'gimp'. I have no idea what that means. So I'm not
really offended. But I still hate it when they call me that. I
don't know what it means though.

- Also, I am a bit tired of talking to the same person about the
problems. It's always the S.A.L.T I talk to. And whenever this
happens, *** is always there in her office aswell. It happens
often and I'm getting a bit tired of speaking to the same person.
Plus sometimes, like the 22nd of November 05, she sometimes raises
her voice and says "I'm getting fed up with all this argueing".

- Whenever they do all these things, (Sometimes its all
in one whole playtime) I wanna stay home and not come to
school. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE school, but when they bully
me I just feel uneven and just wanna stay away from them at home.
They are bullying me just about every day. I'm not happy at all
when they do it.
Also, I am not happy that it hasn't stopped yet. The staff have
been trying to talk to them but it still hasn't stopped.

Annie

Well done Pixie, at least an acknowledgement that things were not as they should be.
Annie

loudmouth

I really feel for your son,am ASD myself and suffered bullying through my whole school life ended up leaving with no exams because of it.The bullys always get their come uppance in the end,just tell your son to hang in there,he is the bigger better person for not retaliating.Give him a hug from me.

pixie

Thanks for your support.

Sorry you had such a bad time at school. I hope life will treat you better now.
(Send me a pm and we'll get on with those forms when your ready)

My son has left with nothing either and doesn't trust other adults now.

He is so glad that he's left as he now realises what he was going through was wrong.

He has been out of school for the 5 months with nothing suitable on the horizon.

At least he's safe at home with us and being respected and having his needs met by us who care a great deal for him.

loudmouth · Bullying

He can always go to college like i did,the tutors at college are much better at nipping bullying in the bud.I've now got computer aided design qualifications from city and guilds.Tell him that the students at college are much more grown up.I wish him well.

Speeds

Pixie

How absolutely dreadful to receive an email from a parent.

I feel for you all - I really do.

I hope your son can find his true vocation - there will be and is something out there for him.

pam

Pixie I have just read your post how sorry I was to read such dreadful things happening. My daughter and her friend were bullied years ago in senior school - fortunately the school managed to stop it once I had contacted them and my daughters friends mum (also a teacher) backed me up by phoning into the school. I know this isn't always the case though. Hugs and xx to you all. Pam

pixie

Thank you Pam.

The worst of it is that we left it so long before taking the complaint further than the head so we're filled with feelings of guilt for what we let our son go through when we should have acted sooner.

Too late for that now so we are just getting on with giving our son all the love and respect he deserves. xx

Annie

Pixie, I am sure that there will be a chances for your son to progress in the future, we all wish him well,
Annie

pixie

Thank you Annie. xx

loudmouth · DONT...

feel guilty,you were doing what you thought was right at the time,dont beat yourself up over it.He will feel happier in the future.Just give him lots of hugs.

charles47

Often, if a child does well in a particular school, a parent can be so relieved that they make the dangerous assumption that the school is perfect and anyone who had a bad experience there is lying and somehow a twisted and perverse individual.

The fact is that no school is perfect, and most struggle with bullying because they don't know how to deal with it. Mainly because they don't realise that bullying often starts with the teachers. After all, "if Mr. X insults pupil A, it must be ok for us to do it!"

Most telling in all of this is the fact that the Principal, who must know what the letter sent to you says, has still not accepted the truth, and has attempted to brand your whole family as liars. In doing so, he has caused himself a real difficulty and it seems to me that his management will have little choice but to "deal" with him "directly".

I hope so.

pixie

I hope so too Charles but I have very little faith in them doing so.

charles47

I agree, Pixie, except that he has caused a public embarrassment by calling you a liar while the contents of the letter contradict him. This is the one thing most organisations will not tolerate: being caught out.

pixie

Annie

Bullying happens in all schools to some extent, that is a fact of life,some deal with it better than others but to brand any body a liar paricullarly when it has been accepted is appalling.

The principle should obviously be censured for his comments, some of which seem to indicate that problems arose because of your sons condition, not the best of comments from a head of a unit supposedly speciallising in the education of people with a learning disability.

You shouldn't beat yourself for following the advice of so called experts, I have done the same thing myself and regretted it in the past.

Hopefully, as Charles says the headmaster will be dealt with at some point, like Pixie I am somewhat cynical about what will actually happen,

Annie

pam

I spoke of my daughter being bullied in school along with her friend.
After our complaint my daughter told me the offending pupils were asked to leave the classroom. After they had left the whole class was asked 'Has any of you been bullied by those who have just left the room - please put up your hands if you have.
My daughter was amazed at the amount of hands which went up - even some of the boys (they were girls who had been bullying)
The bullies were then sent to the head masters office and dealt with - parents of these bullies were informed.
Firtunately this did the trick on this occassion.
I suppose it's partly about being 'believe' which in your case Pixie - unfortunately hasn't happened.
We are now aware that any child who is being abused must be 'believed' and enquiries should be made. This doesn't seem to be the case for you and your family Pixie and that has to be wrong.
I hope this nightmare ends soon for you all. Pam

charles47

Pam, I may be wrong but I get the impression that what has happened to Pixie's son is different in the sense that the bullying was perpetrated by staff as well as pupils.

No school would dare to admit that. So - of course - mum must be lying.

pam

Sorry I've missed that bit somewhere, it's a shame then that another school can't be found for this child as I know from one of my brothers experience that teachers don't take to ALL the children they teach and can and DO bully. In my brothers case, he eventually told my mum why he didn't want to go to school - he was infact on medication (nerve tablets as they were called then) this is going back many years as he's in his forties now, my mum asked one or two of his class mates about what it was like 'in class' with this teacher - they backed up what my brother had told my mum and she was infact bullying my brother. Unfortunately these 'disclosures' only came out AFTER the teacher had left the school. It runs the same course as the 'abused' child at home. When they feel safe they will often speak out.
I am sorry for the hurt which Pixie and her family must feel. Pam

pixie

Despite the fact that my son left the school over 5 months ago he is still getting abusive messages from the bully.
I wonder why the school haven't put a stop to it as we have requested.

At this rate we will have to go back to see the police and see if there's anything they can do about it.

It did stop for a while but just today there is another message. Of course the bully will deny it but we have taken a screen shot so it is there for all to see.

I regret ever sending my son to that school because it looks like it will never end.

Annie

If nothing else works do go to the police Pixie, the perpetrator must learn that he is committing an offence, I know how you feel, when something like this starts it does seem never ending,
Annie

pixie

Thanks Annie. xx

charles47

If your son is young enough to qualify for legal aid I'd take a look at getting a solicitor to send a letter to the school threatening legal action if they continue to fail in their duty to prevent bullying. Even though your son is now an ex-pupil if you can prove the messages are from the same person who is accused of bullying your son (bearing in mind the school's owners have made it clear they accept the bullying went on) it seems to me that they have a duty of care - especially under child protection rules.

Because the legal action would be on behalf of your son it would cost you nothing (as long as the action qualifies - I think it will) and the school will have little choice but to take action. Unless the head is a certifiable idiot.

pixie

Our son would get legal aid but try finding a solicitor that offers it these days. I have phoned many this last few months.

All they are interested in is no win no fee for accidents etc.

"Unless the head is a certifiable idiot."

Yes.

My Son

Bullying

DONT...