A bit of a problem

pixie · A bit of a problem

I'm not sure where to start but I think we have a problem with our son. He may have to leave school, sooner rather than later.
He doesn't want to but he is still being bullied.

I can't bear the thought of the same happening to him as happened to our daughter. She is on all her meds because of mental health problems caused by the bullying she had to contend with.
I don't want that to happen to my son as well.

He's not going back to school this week and we have an appointment with the head next Tuesday.

The school just isn't doing enough to stop it happening and we've had enough. It is just so stressful taking him and not knowing how badly he will be bullied that day until we collect him in the afternoon.

He will be 16 in January so it is his last year of compulsory education.

Goodness knows what we will do when and if he has to leave.

Speeds

That is dreadful Pixie. I can offer nothing but my thoughts and love to you all.

I still find it hard to understand why schools cannot do things properly - although I must admit that even Thomas school everyone is very defensive before thinking.......

I am at a loss for you Pixie but very much with you and if there is anything I can do then ask - if it is tuition online I can help - not a teacher but both hubby and I are scientists so can help with Biology, Chemistry and Physics (most of), Maths (some of) and I know others who can help with other subjects if you need help in that way - not that I think that is the answer though.

Big virtual hugs

pixie

Thanks Speeds, we will see what the head has to say on Tuesday but at this moment in time I really cannot see us all putting up with this much longer.

Our son always wants to go to school despite the bullying but my daughter was the same and it was only when she finally had some sort of mental breakdown that she decided she wouldn't go any more.

We are not going to let our son go down that same road so they had better do something about it quick or he's out of there.

We home educated him until he was 11 so we can do it again, even though they won't like it.

Thanks for the offer Speeds, that's very much appreciated. I think we will manage as Dad is an Astrophysisist (I can only just spell that, i think) and used to teach some as well.

With the Autism it will be mostly life skills now he's so much older and maybe finding some work experience for him and getting him out and about on buses, trains etc.
He is still so vulnerable and has never been out of the house on his own due to his vulnerability and lack of road sense.

I do know where to come now though should I have a question that I need an answer to.

Thanks again Speeds you really are a star.

Speeds

pixie

I phone school today to give them some info on the bullying and hopefully there is something we can do.

The transport has changed for the bully and he now has access to the younger pupils that he has been inciting to bully our son.

The school have told us they will ensure the bully will sit in the front of the taxi so that the escort has to sit in the back with the younger pupils.

This means the main bully can no longer incite the young kids. It was putting pressure on them too.

The escort is obviously not doing her job properly either as it's a black cab. You know the type with the glass screen between the driver and passengers.
Well she sat next to the driver leaving the 3 pupils in the back all on their own. Stupid woman is supposed to supervise them. I guess she must have thought it was a cushy job just traveling in a cab most of the day!!!

Speeds

I do wish that people who get these jobs were trained. Training does not need to be expensive. Cushy maybe but what if she thought she was doing the right thing - if no one told her....................... Again, I am not sticking up for her - I am trying to see everything from all sides. How stupid that no one told her (including the cab driver) that she should be int he back.

I hope you get this minefield resolved soon Pixie.

Rabid

pixie

I forgot to say that our GP said we had done the right thing giving him a few days off to chill.

He said his symptoms were typical of stress. ie the chest pain and difficulty breathing amongst other less worrying signs.

We had to check because he does have Asthma so we just wanted to make sure it wasn't getting worse with the colder weather.

pixie

Well the meeting went OK I guess.

I think we were in the right frame of mind for it and stood no nonsense.

We did expect lots of flannel and got some too but we fought back and put our point across.

The deputy head was there as well and our son came in with us.

It would appear that the escort has been telling porkies to the DH telling her that she always sits in the back with the boys. Both hubby and son have only ever seen her in the front leaving the 3 boys unsupervised in the back.

They are going to speak to her again and insist she sits in the back. (our sources tell us she did sit in the back this evening.)

The head was not keen on our son keeping a bullying diary but we insisted that he does as his memory is bad and by the time he got to tell someone he would have forgotten the details.

The head didn't seem keen to inform the parents but we pushed the point that they should not be kept in the dark about this.

He never insisted our son went back to school but in case he was going to I told him that there was no way until it's sorted and safe for our son.

Now it's a waiting game as he stating he has to find out the things we have told him for himself and take appropriate action. I'm not sure he believed us about some of the things but we will wait and see.

He will let us know in the next few days what his findings are and what will be done about it all.

Dotty · Info

Hello pixie. I'm sorry to hear you're having bullying problems with your son and school. I have a similar history with my son.

May I ask, is the bullying just happening in the transport to and from school? If it is happening in school there is a LOT you can do as I have been through it and come out smiling at the end of it. Also is your son 'statemented'?

Dotty

pixie

Hi Dotty,

Our son is statemented and he attends a special school local to us.
We take him to school and collect him.

It's a complicated thing and the bullying is very cleverly being carried out in the taxi with other pupils!! (by proxy)

I'll probably confuse myself if I try to explain it and everyone else as well so I'll leave the explaination at that for now.

I'll let you all know what the outcome of the investigation is but in the meantime we are going to spend some time enjoying being with our son while he's off school.

I'm glad you got your son's bullying problem sorted out Dotty and it sounds like a very good result.

pixie

Well our son is going back to school tomorrow.

I won't bore you all with the details but we think/hope the school will now take things much more seriously and put a stop to the bullying.

Our son is desperate to get back but he is still having a few problems with sleeping and eating.

Fingers crossed everything will be fine.

Speeds

Fingers crossed Pixie. I will be thinking of all of you.

pixie

It was coffee morning at school today and it was very stressful.
We told them our son is leaving at the end of term.
We never told the head or deputy as they never spoke to us at all. Talk about being sent to Coventry.

We told the Home School Liason lady and she was shocked and upset. She was also very shocked to hear why as she was not aware of half the things that have gone on.
She tried to think of ways to make it better so our son could stay at the school but couldn't think of anything to make it right. We haven't been able to either in the last few weeks.

So it is now official that he is leaving for good. He is very upset but slowly coming to terms with it as being something that is happening for certain.

We are not sure yet what we will do as such but initially he needs some chill time as he has been so stressed. We need the time too to be honest. It has been hell these last few weeks and very stressful at various times over the last 3 years.

Personally I am beginning to feel more at ease with the decision now that it is official and can't wait to have him home and get my son back to how he was, relaxed and not stressed.

Speeds

Aww Pixie - I do not envy you - but your son is so lucky to have you as his mum - so kind, caring, thoughtful and considerate but not a hot head like me.

So sad that things could not be resolved but at the end of the day it is your son's life that is being messed up and also yours.

Tinkerbell

I'm sorry you go not joy from his school

Only you know your son best and if you think its the right thing to do then I'm sure you are right.

Wishing you luck Pixie

barbsy

pixie, you must feel so relieved now. it is so sad that your son has had to go through all of this, but i hope once he is at home that he will settle down and you can all soon put all the stress behind you now. i am sure that you have made the right decision, as the old saying goes, mother knows best.

you take care. barbs x

pixie

Thanks for all your support, it really means a lot to us to know others do understand.

We know it is the right thing for our lad and we have made lots of plans this evening for him to continue his education in a more relaxed atmosphere.

He has actually relaxed a great deal this evening and asked for us to do several things once he's home. He's now cheerful and seems to be loads happier about the whole thing.

He's written all his Christmas cards out and prepared a small speech to tell everyone as he gives them their cards. Some children he's only telling their teachers as he thinks they will be upset so he will let the teachers tell them in a way that they can accept.

I think we may be able to sleep a little more tonight.

Thanks again to all our wonderful friends here. xx

pixie

Well so much for free speech. My son wasn't allowed to tell his friends that he is leaving!!!

He was also made to feel very uncomfortable when he approached a room where the DH had her head in the door. She saw him and said "here he is now" but she didn't want him at all and told my son so. He felt that they were talking about him.

The bully also had another go today and made fun of him because when the latest incident happened last Friday my son was crying when the bully was interviewed. So today the bully jibed at him saying he made him cry in front of the head the DH and the HSL lady.

The bully has also been keeping my son's friend to himself by taking him off to "talk" to him. All my son knows is that his friend won't speak to him now and he overheard the bully saying "I'll tell you everything he's done".

My son's done nothing, he is a gentle boy and doesn't have a bad word for anyone.

I am so, so mad and upset. I wish he would agree to leave now but he is desperate to go to the end of term despite everything.

barbsy

pixie, if he really wants to keep going i dont think there is much you can do, why have they said he cannot tell his friends he is leaving? why would they do that it just doesnt make sense, do they just expect him to disappear and say nothing to the other children. thankfully they break up next week and then you can all relax and look forward to some happier times which you sure do deserve, i am so sorry to hear all of this just makes you wonder why sort of school they are running.

thinking of you, love barbs xx

pixie

Since I wrote that post several more things have come out and they upset me so much I broke down. My son was so upset to see me upset that he's not going back.

He is happy with that too as he said he didn't really want to and he was only going to stay until next week so he could say goodbye and get contact details from his friends and one of the teachers who is also leaving and moving to Canada.

He seems so much happier now and we are relieved that it's over with.

When we have gathered some strength we will fire off letters of complaint to anyone we can but until then I just have a wisdom tooth extraction to look forward to tomorrow.

Speeds

Oh Pixie - this is so sad but at least there is light at the end of the tunnel (or on the surgeons torch!).

I hope that you get some joy out of the LEA etc and also that your son is able to keep the friends he has.

That bully needs to be taught a lesson.

A bit of a problem

Info